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Thursday, 30 December 2010

A preview of 2011:

January 2011

Nick Griffin is outed by a former lover, one of the leaders of the English Defence League. It becomes clear that the split in the far right between the BNP and the EDL was nothing more than a lovers tiff.

On a business trip to Jordan, George Osborne is struck by a blinding light on the road to Damascus. He repays all his outstanding taxes and brings in legislation to force companies to pay their taxes in full.

High street retailers 'Topshit' announce record losses following the recent spate of occupations. Sir Philip Green resigns amid lurid sex allegations involving a sports bag, but is swiftly taken on by the board of Vodaphone.

Revd Chris Howson of Bradford is surprised to learn that he was voted 'Best Dressed Vicar of 2010' by the weekly newspaper Church Chimes.

February 2011:

The Military Junta of Burma are suddenly overcome with a sense of decency, and hand back power to the democratically elected leader Aung San Suu Kyi. The former leaders are sentenced to working in Total garage forecourts for the rest of their natural lives.

The founder of Wikileaks is found not guilty of charges in a Swedish Court. However he is extradited to the USA for charges of 'once stealing paper clips from an office drawer'. He is likely to face several life sentences following a relatively fair trial.

Obama announces a sudden shift in US foreign policy based on environmental concerns. Troops are pulled out of Iraq and Afghanistan, and Venezuela is invaded. "We began to look at the war in turns of 'air miles' and decided that South American countries were much better to invade for the sake of the environment."

In the city of Bradford in West Yorkshire, the local council are overthrown by a Peoples Coalition who formally declare Bradford to be an independent and sovereign country. They immediately eliminate all fees at the prestigious 'National University of Bradford' and a period of rebuilding and investment is announced. The Westfield site is nationalised and work begins on the refurbishment of the National Museum of Bradford, formally known as the Odeon.

March 2011:

Record sales are announced for a new book released called 'A Just Church'. The Archbishop of Canterbury instantly calls an emergency session of General Synod to look at reforming the Church of England along guidelines set out by the author of the book.

2 comments:

  1. Love it Chris, keep them coming!

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  2. Great stuff. I'm looking forward to your prediction about the installation of our new Bishop in May ;)

    ReplyDelete